dear bloggie,
Sorry that I forgot about you for almost 3 months!!! Can't believe myself!!! Actually I made a promise that I would speak up my mind but I didnt keep that. It's just too dreadful for me to recall all the events that happened coz I'm a great escapist, avoiding problems and conveniently forget (unhappy) things. Quite a lot had happened for the past three months, but the most dramatic one was my little unannounced "getaway" to Johor which caused an unexpected two-day search party in school earlier this month. Now I'm notorious in archi....nevermind, I know I should have talked more about this but that is not this entry is about.
The thing that prompted me to write an entry is this big suprise sms that I got from my sis. SHE IS GETTING MARRIED NEXT YEAR!!. Never such big event has happened in my family. Actually I had already sensed the changes in my family earlier on - my sis's relocation plan to KL with her boyfriend, my parents' plan to retire in USA with my big sis and bro, etc. As the family had been lacking in communication since forever, I would never see those coming. So I see all these as changes in the family rather than just normal events that are forthcoming. I felt really wierd about all this, but I dunno why. Maybe it's because we don't usually speak up among ourselves so sometimes the things that we say would be sort of final and least expected as we couldnt see them coming. (dunno what i'm talking but yeah).
So I was really excited when I received that message. Then I called her straight away. We had this long talk over the phone. It's really rare for us, ya know. To my surprise, her boyfriend had already proposed to her in Feb and my parents had known about it long ago. She messaged me only after they had confirmed the date and the place for wedding dinner. Why am I the LAST one to know about this??? Why didn't they tell me earlier???? That's the prob I have in my family, COMMUNICATION! What makes things worse is that, I feel that we can communicate even better when it's through the phone than I was back in Ipoh face-to-face with them. Isn't that VERY SAD?! But nobody has taken any proactive measures to correct this and this has happening since the family started I think!
All in all, I know that my sis's marriage will mark some changes in my family. I really hope that these changes are for the better. Back to the marriage, though I'm not that close with my future sis-in-law, but I know he is quite a good guy so I'm truly happy for her. Never felt that way for anyone in my family before. Really looking forward to this!
Guess it's enough for this entry. I really hope I would write here more often, but I guess it's really an ordeal or fear for me to recall every bit of my feelings and struggle that went in my head, and ask myself why. Or maybe I'm really fearful of knowing my true feelings deep down. Hmmm, I guess one way to improve this would be leaving my bloggie homepage on all the time so that I'm constantly reminded of its existence whenever I'm using my comp. Hope it works haha!